


Whisper

by LiliesandSin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-09-19 15:44:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17004489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiliesandSin/pseuds/LiliesandSin
Summary: Ahsoka works through her feelings for Barriss Offee, even as war rages around them on the Geonosian landscape.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kierkegarden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kierkegarden/gifts).



~~_My dearest Bariss_ ~~

~~_Hey Bariss_ ~~

~~_Offee!_ ~~

~~_Ho there, fellow padawan_ ~~

_Barriss, I don't know how to tell you, but I ~~love~~ ~~like~~ love you. Barriss, I know that you ~~love~~ ~~care for~~ Barriss, I can't do this.  
_

Ahsoka held the paper in her hands. For a moment, she didn't know what to do; her body felt frozen. She couldn't stop herself from writing, though; she needed to get her feelings out, even if only on a piece of trash she'd found in...

In the war zone that they occupied, on Geonosis.

Ahsoka knew that somewhere, someone was dying. She could hear him screaming from outside her tent. She knew that there was nothing she could do for him, but she still wanted to go out and help, to heal him. She steeled her heart. _Jedi don't feel pain. Jedi don't feel sadness. Jedi don't mourn, and Jedi don't love._

 _But somehow, it doesn't matter,_ Ahsoka thought.  _I can repeat my teachings as much as I want, but I'll still leave feeling the same way. For the dying soldiers._

_For Barriss._

She stuffed the paper into her pocket. 

*

She crept into Bariss's tent that night. Bariss was awake- she was always awake- and reading by the glow of a lamp. There was a thick rug on the ground, and a cot, and a chest with some clothes. Other than that, the room was bare.

"Ahsoka," Bariss whispered. She looked up at Ahsoka and smiled. Her eyes were large and beautiful; she was deeply expressive, thought she rarely made any grand displays of emotion. "I'm glad you're here."

"I missed you," Ahsoka said. "And I couldn't sleep."

"Who can." It wasn't really a question. Barriss looked down at her book and sighed. "What's the point. How can we justify rest when there are people dying just outside these walls."

"I know," Ahsoka said helplessly. "I know." She sat down next to Barriss and put an arm around her. "We'll survive."

"Jedi usually do," Barriss said. "But Ahsoka, maybe we _shouldn't_. Maybe we don't... don't deserve to."

Ahsoka pulled away. "We do, though. Of course we do. We're the heroes. Without us, none of this would be possible."

"I know," Barriss said. She was very still. "I know."

Ahsoka felt her face flush. "I didn't mean it... like that. You know what I meant. Without us, the war would be lost, and the Federation would have won long ago."

"I don't think it would matter if they did," Barriss whispered.

 _She's tired._ Ahsoka didn't speak. She leaned her head against Barriss's shoulder and held her _tightly._ She stayed there for what felt like forever, the two of them listening to the sounds- _orders being yelled_ _, machinery being put together, someone crying in the distance-_ the sounds of the Geonosian landscape.

*

 _I love you._ In the dim morning light, outside her tent, Ahsoka pulled the paper out of her pocket and read the words, over and over and over again. _I love you, I love you, I love you._

The air was cool. She could smell ozone and burning metal, urine and sweat and the faint iron-rust of blood- but the sun was rising, and she was in love.

And somehow, _somehow,_ that made everything just a little bit better.


	2. Chapter 2

Bariss was kneeling on the barren ground of Geonosis, next to a clone. He was lying on the ground; his eyes were closed, and his hand was pressed over his chest, hiding the blaster wound that had kissed his body.

She couldn't move.

 _No attachments. No emotions. No hurt._ The jedi code was easy to follow right now. She felt like a void. There was nothing inside, like a melon baller had scooped her emotions out of her middle.

_My master would be proud._

"He's dead." Ahsoka's voice came from behind her. She sounded tired, and when she knelt down next to Bariss, Bariss could see that her body was covered in burns and dirt.

"No." Bariss's voice came out soft and breathy, like she was correcting a small child. "No, not yet. He can't be dead yet. I'm not ready."

Asokha looked down at the clone uncomfortably. Bariss heard someone yelling in the distance. Even fainter, she could catch the distant sound of metal feet advancing.

"Do you ever feel guilty? Like all this might be... be wrong?" Bariss asked. She touched the clone's shoulder gently. "At least the droids don't have souls."

"It's what they're trained to do," Ahsoka said. She folded her arms. "I guess sometimes, though. When I've... when I've failed. When they die." She paused and shook her head. "I try not to think too much about it."

Bariss sighed. She stood, brushing off her clothes. "We should get moving. The living ones need us."

"...okay." Ahsoka stood. "Let's go."

*

Bariss sat in her tent, late that night, waiting for Ahsoka to show up. She usually did; it was one of the only highlights of Bariss's life. She enjoyed Ahsoka's company. Sure enough, she heard Ahsoka call through the canvas door. She came in a moment later, beaming.

She was holding a flower. It was yellow and faded, and small, and nearly dead, and she held it out to Bariss eagerly. Her joy was almost too much. It left Bariss feeling... grey. Sad. Tired.

"This is for you," Ahsoka said.

"You shouldn't have." Bariss smiled, though; she took the flower from Ahsoka and twirled it between her fingers. She smiled when its petals started falling off. "It's very old."

"It lived on Geonosis," said Ahsoka. "It's not very pretty, but it's a survivor. It made me think of you."

Bariss realized that she was laughing, despite herself. "Do you think I'm not very pretty, Ahsoka?"

Ahsoka laughed and rubbed her face. "Shouldn't you be beyond worrying about your looks, Bariss? As a Jedi padawan?"

"I'm not a knight," Bariss said. "Not yet. I can be forgiven my weaknesses." She sighed suddenly. "All my weaknesses."

Ahsoka went quiet. Then she stepped over, and she took Bariss's hand in both of hers. "You're very pretty, Bariss."

"That's not what I was referring to," Bariss said. She sat down on her bed, letting go of Ahsoka's hand.

"I know," Ahsoka said. She sat down next to Bariss and put an arm around her. "I know."

Bariss leaned into Ahsoka's body. She was a jedi; she couldn't feel her emotions; she was beyond such things. Except right now, she wanted badly to cry, and there was no mantra or code that could make her feel otherwise.


End file.
